I’ll also mention that there is no shortage of men in pursuit of us and most of which are coming from a sexual/fetishized place. When a cishet man “slides into our DMs” if you will, you have to understand that our first objective is discerning whether you like us for us, or simply have some sort of sexual fetish you seek to explore. The first rule of thumb is the most important in my opinion. These subtle (and not so subtle) differences lead to very different life experiences that should be respected and acknowledged when pursuing a transgender partner. Trans women have lived experiences that cisgender women will never have, nevermind being at the intersection of daily prejudice and discrimination. While I would love to sit here and say it is as simple as “treating her as you would any other woman,” I know first hand that that isn’t the case. However, I do feel as though there are some general do’s and don'ts that (to me) seem obvious. Our lives and experiences with gender and sexuality are very nuanced and unique to each. Frankly, from my past experience in the dating world, and conversations with my trans sisters, as well as my partner and other trans-attracted cishet men, I couldn’t help but feel like there are a few fundamental missteps that men tend to make when in pursuit of a transgender partner.įirst, I should note that no two trans women are the same. There is nothing more that I want to see than fulfilling and genuine relationships for my fellow trans woman, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to put together some thoughts to help bridge the gap between cishet men and their desired trans partners. The feeling I was often left with from dating was frustration, until I met my current partner a year ago (who is a cishet man). Which seemed pretty ironic to me since I had been on the other side of their romantic pursuits in the past. They exist! A lot of the messages I received express how, when they begin a conversation with a trans woman, they feel as though they are vilified and given the title of a “chaser.” I got a sense that they feel as though they are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. I’m not referring to the guys who simply look at us as a fetish but rather those men who truly have a desire to date us romantically. Since writing “ Trans Women and the Cishet Men Who Love Us,” I’ve received many messages from trans-attracted cisgender heterosexual (cishet) men expressing how they have a genuine interest and desire to date a trans woman but simply lack the know-how.
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